Help Me Start Over
by Smoshy-Timelord
Summary: Dan has a hard life at home and at school. He can't ever get a break. His father is an abusive drunk and his bully has harassed him since they met. It seems like the world just doesn't want him to be happy. Warning: Abuse, Bullying, Self-Harm, and Suicidal Thoughts.
1. Chapter 1

**Heya lovelies! I will update I Will Always Be Here soon. I got this idea and I hope it's a lot longer than what my other stories have been. I hope you guys enjoy!**

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><p>I sat in class, reading like I usually do. I never really understood why people don't like reading. It's an escape from reality and can help you forget about your worries, but I guess that's just me.<p>

I should probably introduce myself. My name is Daniel James Howell, but my friends call me Dan. Well, if I had friends. I'm a bit of a social outcast. Even at home I'm an outcast.

At home it's just me and my father. My mother died shortly after I turned five. After she died, my father began to drink heavily, which lead to him becoming abusive. So, to sum it all up, I have a tough time at school due to bullying and at home due to my father's drinking and abuse. Now that that's out of the way, let's get back the real story.

The bell finally rings, signaling that school is over. I take my time putting my books and things up. When I feel that it's safe, I head to my locker.

Just when I think I'm safe I hear footsteps and a voice say, "Oh look who we have here, Daniel Howell."

"Please leave me alone, Phil," I tell the ebony haired boy that is now leaning on the locker next to mine.

"Why on Earth would I want to do that?" He asked with a devilish grin on his face.

"Seriously, leave me alone. I have to get home." I squeak out of fear, as I begin to walk off.

"You're not getting away from me just like that. Grow a pair and stop running to your mommy for everything." He taunts me.

"Seriously, go fuck yourself," I squeak again.

He grabs me by the shoulder and slams me against the lockers and growls, "Don't you fucking dare talk to me like that ever again!"

"But you're allowed to talk to me like I don't deserve to be alive every single day?" I look at him with fury burning deep within my chest.

Even though he is a major dick to me, he has never actually hit me.

"Go fuck yourself, Howell," He spits and then walks away.

As soon as he is out of sight, I slide down the lockers until I'm sitting on the ground and begin to cry. Why did life have to be so hard? I just want to live a happy normal life.

When I finally get home, I'm late. My father was going to kill me. When I set my backpack down, I call out to my father, "Dad, I'm home. I'm sorry I'm late, something happened after school today!"

"You're late! You're 15 minutes late! What the bloody hell was so important that you had to be late!?" He screams at me, the smell of alcohol evident on his breath.

"I'm sorry. A kid asked me to help him with some of his homework that he did not understand," I quickly lie to him.

"Liar!" He screams louder as he draws his hand back. He sharply slaps me across the face. He then draws his fist back and hits me square in the jaw. He repeatedly slams his fist in to every inch of my body that he can reach.

He's too strong for me to fight back. He keeps punching everywhere he can. The last thing I remember is his fist connecting with the side of my head.

When I finally come to, I'm laying on my kitchen floor. My body hurts all over and my head is throbbing. I slowly get up, so that I don't hurt myself too much. If I had gotten up quickly I probably would have fallen and been down for the rest of the night.

When I finally get up, I head to the bathroom. I strip my clothes and look into my full body mirror. My body was covered in large blackish-purplish bruises and there was still a red, prominent hand mark across my face. I was going to need to wear a long sleeve shirt to hide the bruises, tomorrow.

I begin to run my shower water and then turn to the tiled wall. I bend down slightly and remove a loose tile from the wall, which strategically held a small blade. Years ago I had figured out a way to hide a small blade behind the tile. I take out my hidden blade and put the tile back

I slowly drag the shinny, little blade across my scarred wrists. I take my time as I watch the blood ooze out. The blood comes out a deep crimson and runs down m fingers and down into the water at my feet, where it mixes and becomes a light red color. I can't help, but let the thoughts of death invade my mind again. All I ever wanted was peace. I wanted this life to stop being so hard.

I grab the blade tighter as I my cuts begin to travel higher from my wrist until they reach the inside of my elbow. I begin to cry again. Why was this the way that I had to remind myself that I was still alive? I want to find love and get away from this place forever. I want someone that can take this blade away and make me realize that I don't need it nor did I ever need it.

The tears that are flowing from my eyes fall onto my wrists and sting. I grit my teeth as I cry harder. The tears mix with blood as I continue to think about death. Death would be so much easier than this. Maybe tomorrow would be the day that I decide to relive myself from this burden that we call life.

I carefully wash my arms off and then finish my shower. I put my blade back in it's place and get out of the shower. I make sure there is no sign off my pervious actions in the shower and I head to my room.

When I reach my room I unwrap my towel from my body and I get dressed. I carefully wrap my cut arms up before I put on my t-shirt. I bite my lip as I lay down and cry myself to sleep.

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><p><strong>So what did you guys think so far? More to come soon! Feedback is always welcome! Thank you guys for reading chapter 1! More to come soon! Thank you, lovlies ~Smoshy-Timelord<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**Here is Chapter 2, I hope you guys enjoy. :D Disclaimer: I own nothing, but the plot.**

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><p><strong>Phil's P.O.V.<strong>

I sit in my last class of the day playing with the fraying edges of my notebook. I cautiously look over to see Dan. He's reading a book like always. God I hated that piece of shit! How could someone be so cute like that all time? It wasn't fair and I couldn't help but to secretly like him.

I should probably introduce myself. My name is Phillip Michael Lester, but my friends call me Phil. I am a very outgoing person and I'm extremely vocal. I like lions and mismatch socks, but most of all I like Dan Howell. I try to hide the fact I'm gay because it scares me and I know I would get bullied. That is why I am such a dick to Dan. I know I should stop, but I'm scared if I stop being rude that everyone will find out that I have such a massive crush on him. I would never hit him, but that doesn't mean I don't get pretty verbal. Well that's enough for introductions.

I exhale loudly as the bell rings signaling the end of the school day. I'm the first one out of the door. I head to my locker and wait for the halls to clear up. I think today is the day that I explain myself to Dan and I tell him I like him. I place my head against my locker and then I take a deep breath. When I get the courage up I begin to walk to Dan's locker.

"Oh look who we have here, Daniel Howell," I try to say flirtatiously, leaning against the locker next to his.

"Please leave me alone, Phil," He tells me as he continues to stare intently into his locker.

"Why on earth would I want to do that?" I smile as I try to be flirty.

"Seriously, leave me alone. I have to get home," he says almost inaudibly as he starts to walk off.

I start to panic and start taunting him, "You're not getting away from me just like that. Grow a pair and stop running to your mommy for everything."

"Seriously, go fuck yourself," He squeaks.

I grab his shoulder and shove him against the locker and growl, "Don't you fucking dare talk to me like that ever again!

"But you're allowed to talk to me like I don't deserve to be alive every single day?" he retorts with fury a fury in his eyes that cut me deep.

"Go fuck yourself," I spit as I walk away.

As soon as I'm out of few of him I start to run. How could I be so fucking stupid? What was so wrong with me that I couldn't tell him I liked him? There had to be something major wrong with me. I just want hold him and call him mine. I liked him so much and it was killing me.

When I get home I head straight to my room and try to breath. I couldn't keep doing this, I would eventually have to tell Dan. I felt so stupid. Why could I not just stop and tell him how I feel. I bang my head off my door as I lean against it.

There is a soft knock at my door. When I open it, my mum is standing there with a questioning look on her face. I start to cry when I look at her.

"Phil, dear. What's wrong?" She steps into my room and hugs me tightly.

"I hate myself mum. I can't stop being a jerk and I don't know what to do," I sob as I hug her back.

"Phil, sweetie, slow down. Let's go sit down and you can tell me everything?" She sooths.

I nod as we go and sit on my bed. "Well there is this guy at school that I really like, his name is Daniel Howell."

"Oh, the boy that lives next door!" My mum points out.

"He lives next door?" I ask as my eyes go wide.

"Yeah, him and his father moved in shortly after his mom died," she explains to me.

"Crap!" I exclaim as I instantly feel worse for what I said to Dan earlier.

"Anyways, what happened, Phil?" she asks again.

"Well I really like him, but I'm scared of people finding out that I'm gay. I don't want to lose my friends and I don't want everyone at school to shun me." I explain. "So I treat him really bad, but I don't mean to. I do it so people won't think I like him. I get scared and I become a major jerk to him. Mum, I don't understand what I should do."

"Well if you like him, you should definitely stop being rude to him. You shouldn't care what others thing. If your friends stop being friends with you because you're gay, then they aren't really true friends. Only a true friend would stick with you through anything." She explains as she pats my back.

" You're right mum. I think tomorrow I will try to tell him that I like him. I will stop being a jerk to him.

"That's my boy. Tell me how it goes," She smiles brightly at me and then kisses my head. "Well, I'm going to start dinner."

She smiles and leaves the room. She softly shuts the door and leaves me to think. I lay down in my bed and stare up at the ceiling thinking about how I was going to tell Dan tomorrow. I refused to be rude to him tomorrow.

I get up to grab my homework and put on music when I hear something. At first I think it might be the T.V., but as it gets louder, I realize that is coming from outside the house. I stop what I'm doing and listen. It is loud enough for me to hear, but more than likely my mum couldn't hear it.

"You're late! You're 15 minutes late! What the bloody hell was so important that you had to be late!" a voice screams causing me to jump.

"What is that?" I wonder to myself.

"Liar!" the voices shouts again.

I move my curtain to the side to see if I can see anything. When I move the curtain over what I see is a man slapping a younger man across the face. I stand there shocked for a moment. Who where they and why were they fighting? I couldn't tell who either of them were, so it made me wonder if it was Dan and his father. I wait a few moment to see if anything else happens. It worries me, but it was probably nothing. It was probably just a small altercation.

I tried to shake it off and go help my mom with dinner. I would forget about this by the morning. I just hoped it wasn't Dan and that the guy was okay.

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><p><strong>I hope you guys enjoyed, there is more to come, so stay tuned. :D -Smoshy-Timelord.<strong>


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